In my work with couples, I lean heavily on three well respected couples/relationship theorists: John & Julie Gottman (The Gottman Method), Daniel Wile (Collaborative Couples Therapy) and Sue Johnson (Emotion Focused Couples Therapy). In future posts I will talk about Dan Wile's approach as well as Sue Johnson's - both are excellent models for couple work and I love sharing them. Today I will start by laying out some of the basic work of the Gottmans. Their work is easy to grasp, powerful and backed by a mountain of research.

Many couples who first come into therapy are stuck in a cycle of conflict. They often feel disconnected with each other and in particular cannot seem to prevent or step out of the adversarial cycle that looms over them. Certain hot-button topics are in fact certain to invoke their negative cycle. So what is a couple to do when they find themselves stuck, spinning their wheels in the sand? The answer is get some traction.